Teen anger management is an acquired skill. I’ve received many lessons about the subject in my life, but one of the best lessons came from an unexpected source. I was at Burger King one day during the height of lunch hour. Of course it was frantic, there were approximately 15 people in line waiting, and the drive – thru was wrapped around the building. People had looks of disgust on their impatient faces as they waited for their food. I leisurely took my place in line and observed and listened to the angry whispers that buzzed like an angry nest of bees on a hot spring day. Then she came from around the fry bin. Her name was Kim according to the somewhat crooked name tag on her shirt. She was the manager. She was a stocky woman with reading glasses who looked like she had just gotten into a fight with a Grizzly bear.
After her followed an employee named Stacey. I know her name was Stacey because of the fact that Kim was screaming at her about not wearing her name tag. She also reminded her “for the last time” that she needed to put on her hat. What does all this have to do with teen anger management, and raising a disruptive teen you may be wondering? It has everything to do with a disruptive teen. A teen is disruptive because there is no organization sills from the top. Good management skills trickle down from the top tiers and will flow to the bottom levels. It was easy to make the leap to the way I use to run my own organization with my teens. No there were no name tags, hats to wear, or pay checks to pass out twice a month, but there was teens to manage, allowances to pass out, dishes to be washed, and homework to be done.
Back to Kim. she clearly looked upset as the veins in her forehead started to throb with every bead of sweat that trickled down her cheek. As the lobby of the fast food establishment started to swell even more, I noticed an employee outside smoking without a care in the world. A lobby full of angry people who was quickly turning into an angry mob, a drive-thru wrapped almost twice around the building, whoppers that needed buns, and this guy (who was also missing a name tag) was outside smoking. It was almost laughable until a small, thin, older woman named Ms. Bee walked in.
She had the look. A don’t mess with me look. Her presence demanded respect, and respect is what she was given. It was like the burger God walked in, because the whole atmosphere changed. Kim looked relieved as her night in shinning armour came in to save her day. Without saying much, Ms. Bee slowly walked to the back. I guess one employee didn’t notice that she had walked through the door because I did hear in a serious tone the words “Go Home”. Obviously she had done something that Ms. Bee did not approve of. As the employee was going out of the door, I start to notice that the line started to move a lot faster, and the drive thru started to move at a brisk pace. The whispers turned into a pleasing melody as even the customers seemed pleased that Ms. Bee had arrived. Some even greeted her with “Ms. Bee, how have you been”?
Most parents who have poor teen anger management skills are a lot like Kim when it comes to managing their teens. What they should aspire to be is Ms. Bee, because Ms. Bee demands respect but in quiet non confrontational way. Anything that is demanded is usually granted. I began to envision my own situation with my rambunctious, feisty teens. There was a time when my kids treated me like Kim. I would give them choices as to when they wanted to clean their rooms and choices to do their homework when they wanted to. Although I thought the key to this was to scream until they were obedient, all i usually got was “Daddy, cant you do it?”, or “Daddy leave me alone!” If I wanted good teen anger management skills, I had to learn the Ms. Bee way of doing things.
I eventually because friends with Ms. Bee because I wanted to know what was it that this 125lb woman had. I didn’t know what it was but I know I wanted it. She told me she was a Sergent in the US Armed Forces. I couldn’t help but laugh because I would have thought she was anything but. But after hearing her speak, it was obvious she had training in management skills. I asked her what were some mistakes I was making with my own teens.
* Be respectful ( Ms. Bee told me that in order to get respect, give it first )
* Remember the Golden Rule ( There is a reason why it’s Golden )
* Be specific when explaining the rules of the house ( Leave no room for ambiguity )
* If rules are broken ( Don’t be afraid to dish out punishments–no one respects a wimp )
* Reward good behaviour, and reward it often ( Sure there will be times for punishments, but let the rewards far outweigh the punishments )
Ms. Bee is loved and respected by the whole community, because she loves and respects the whole community. But although she loves and respects everyone, she is quick to take any bad behavior or disrespect and “nip it in the bud” as she calls it. I would watch as her teen employees would confide in her as she was their own mother. She was lovingly called Mama Bee by a number of her teen employees. I took a valuable lesson in teen anger management from this sweet but stern lady, and for this I will forever be in gratitude. If you’re even in Marietta Georgia, and you find yourself looking for a good Whopper, you may find yourself in the presence of a great teacher–Ms. Bee aka Mama Bee. Tell her Marcus said Hi!
Although it seems like you have come to a dead end regarding your teen and their disruptive behavior. Know that there is a great offer [http://www.helpforteensonline.com]. This method has given me power over the situation. It has taught me how to remain calm and to know with myself first.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured”…Mark Twain
Tags: anger management for teens, teen health